Last Friday, my family and I headed for Branson, MO. If you have never been to Branson, it is like the entertainment capital of the world. There are shows, galleries, shops galore and great eating. Anyway, every summer right before the beginning of our hectic summer calendar, my wife insits we take a couple of days to get re-charged before the summer craze begins. Her advice is well worth it every year.

This year,  we stayed at the Ozark Mountain Resort, in a condo near Table Rock Lake. We got to go out to Silver Dollar City, Celebration City and the new Branson Landing. It was a good short trip.

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In addition to taking a mini-vacation I also turned 30 on Saturday. It is weird and yet satisfying to say I am no longer in my 20’s. This past week at church, the singing group from Pepperdine University, Won By One, was out on their summer tour and one of their singers is one of our former members, and well needless to say my wife persuaded them to sing happy birthday to me. It was without a doubt the most beautiful rendition of happy birthday I have ever heard.

Some wisdom I have gained from 3 decades of living:

1. Mom and dad were a whole lot smarter than I gave them credit for.

2. Younger brothers are and should be life long friends

3. Your children understand more than you realize

4. Turning 30 isn’t the end of the world.

5. 25 years ago sure sounds like a long time ago!

The Secret

Have any of you heard of “The Secret?” I began watching the DVD the other night, and well the basic premise is this notion of the Law of Attraction, that if you believe something good, or have positive thoughts your life will reap positive things. The appeal, or at least the ploy of the book/DVD is that this Secret is ancient wisdom that has been discovered, coveted, hidden and recently re-discovered. The DVD is a docu-drama of famous people from a wide spectrum of professions all advocating the “Law of Attraction.”

What do you think? Do you know anyone that is really into this stuff?

How do you feel about positive thinking and receiving positive outcomes?

One of the biggest critiques I have with the whole things is the focus on material prosperity. Why is it humanity feels that material prosperity will bring happiness into our lives? Jesus spoke about money alot and was not against us having money, but was certainly against hoarding and worshipping money. Idolatry is just as relevant today as it was in the first century.

I am not trying to emit any negative energy, I am just being honest.

The Core Realites of Youth Ministry

This is a must read book by Mile Yaconelli about the Core Realites of Youth Ministry.

For those of you that don’t know the Core Foundation and the Core Realities are:
1. Core Foundation: The Bible

• Biblical truth is God breathed (2 Tim. 3:16)
• Biblical truth is a mystery (Eph. 6:19)
• Biblical truth is a story
• Biblical truth is alive (Heb. 4:12)
• Biblical truth reveals and indentifies (Heb. 4:13)
• Biblical truth interferes and instructs (cf. 2 Tim 3:16)
• Biblical truth inspires
• Biblical truth is a trustworthy foundation (Luke 6:47-49

The Core Realities:

1. Veracity — conformity to the truth

• veracity shows that truth is free
• veracity shows that truth creates honest discussion
• veracity shows truth can be tested
• veractiy shows that truth is resilient
• veracity shows that truth is attractive
• mandate:youth ministry must expose students to the life-giving truth of Jesus Christ

2. Authenticity –real or genuine

• share yourself
• share the whole gospel
• ask for help
• strive for righteousness
• trust your uniqueness
• individualize realtionships
• mandate: authentic youth workers will draw teenagers to Jesus Christ (p. 45)

3. Audacity — bold, daring, courageous

• There is an explosion of the Spirit
• There are messy mistakes
• There is creativity
• there is misunderstanding
• there is rejection
• there is courage
• mandate: youth ministry must push students, parents, and the chruch outside their comfort zones (p. 61)

4. Humility — gentle, meek, without arrogance, unassuming (p. 63)

• be dependent
• be teachable
• be accessible
• be flexible
• be decreased
• be nobody
• mandate: youth ministry must be clothed in humility (p. 75)

5. Diversity — variety, not homogenous (hetrogenity)

• diversity is inclusive, not exclusive
• diversity is valued, not tolerated
• diversity is intentional, not convient
• types of diversity
• 1. ethnic, 2. tribal, 3. mental and physcial, 4. generational diversity
• mandate: youth ministry must challenge teenagers to embrace diversity

6. Sanctuary — safe place, refuge

• sanctuary is a place of worship
• sanctuary is place of grace
• sanctuary is a place of safety
• sanctuary is a place of rest
• sanctuary is a place of growth
• mandate: youth ministry must provide a safe place for students (p. 103)

7. Intimacy — our relationship with Jesus, a lifetime journey, intense personal soul-care

• my soul is more important than my student’s soul (buy the book to read more about this)
• time alone with jesus is more important than time spent with students
• friendship is more important than discipleship
• eternity is more important than time
• my security is in God, not my ministry
• the heart is more important than the head
• the silent skkills are more effective than the noisy skills (read. p. 114-116)
• mandate: our relationship with jesus is our youth ministry (p. 117).

8. Mystery — “the role of youth ministry is to bring teenagers into the presence of a God who is beyond words, definition, or confinement; to create opportunities for teenagers to be awed by God’s presence and stunned by God’s bigness; and to show them a God who will leave them speecheless, full of wonder and astonishment. Youth workers introduce students to a God who is more than principles and answers — we bring teenagers to the ’shores of mystery’ (p. 120).

• questions, not answers
• simple and complicated
• presence, not program
• mandate: youth ministry must foster mystery, rediscover astonishment, and leave room for unanswered questions (p. 1290.

9. Creativity — ingenuinty, expressiveness

• types of creativity
• –revisioning, copying, adapting
• enemies of creativity
• –measurements, bad theology, technology, fear
• methods of fostering creativty
• 1. believe in creativty
• 2.trust your uniqueness
• 3. refuse to give in to the creative police
• 4. exercise student imaginations
• 5.keep your focus on minstry
• mandate:youth ministry must free students and youth workers to discover and express their God-given creativity (p. 141)

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You have to buy this book. My little outline of the book hopefully created a hunger for the better content that awaits those who read it.

Hope this helps!

our family of 5

church-goer or christian?

I saw this video over at Trey Morgan’s site and thought it to good not to share with you here:

defining your core

About a year ago in a grad class at LCU, actually it was a youth ministry class, we discussed a lot of theology. Interesting concept, that theology and youth ministry go hand in hand. One of the questions we considered was what our core beliefs were.

For instance, imagine a circle, what is in the center? How many layers do you have in your circle?

Please share your thoughts. I think for me at the very center of my core theology is Jesus. I want to become more like him daily, and become a better minister as a result of my pursuit of Jesus.

So, what’s your core, what should be in your core? What do you want the kids in your youth groups to know, or to grasp before they go off to college?

• Christ –I want them to have a faith of their own, centered in and around Jesus Christ and how is transforming them daily to be like Him in this world.
• Service — I want them to discover what their gifts are, and use them for them kingdom.
• Justice — As kids discover their gifted-ness, I want them to use their time, talents and treasures for the sake of the kingdom and for the good of the world. One of the areas in which I think more attention must be given is the area of justice. I want my kids, to have a passion for justice, for speaking up for those who don’t have a voice.
• Community — being a part of a community of believers and feeling like they need to be a part of the community of believers.
• Journey — the Christian life is one of perpetual motion. I want them to understand that following Jesus is a life long journey.
• Worship — I think as we grow in our faith and our understanding of how big God is and how little we are, we will want to worship God more.
• God’s Word — Getting the story of God into our heads and hearts is important if we want to know where we’ve been and we are headed. God’s Word is more than rule book, it is the unfolding narrative of what God is up too, and how is longing for his creation to partner with Him to accomplish His plan.

2 Thessalonians 1:3, we read these words, “we ought to always thank God for you, brothers, and rightly so, because your faith is growing more and more, and the love everyone of you has for each other is increasing.”

Can that be said of your church? Could it be said of you? I think this morning, well each and every morning we need to be asking ourselves these questions: Is my faith growing and am I growing in love for others?

To me a growing faith is one in which someone is asking questions, seeking answers. A growing faith is one in which Jesus is becoming more and more important and our selfishness is decreasing, being replaced by selflessness.

Growing in love would be living up to the first and greatest command, to love God with our whole being more and more every day. And to grow in our love for others. Where we get to a place where we avoid the question of the expert in the law, and we don’t ask who is my neighbor, but instead we are asking, how can I be a better neighbor.

I think that if our churches became more Christ-centered and other’s focused we would grow numerically and spiritually.

Transactional Analysis and Leadership

In the previous post, I mentioned a TA workshop I had the privilege of sitting through with Dr. Ray Quiet. Dr. Quiet taught at Southeastern in Ada, OK for some 38 years and is now in private practice. I thought his two sessions with our congregation were great.

He began his TA workshop and leadership with the question, “what is leadership?” It is the ability to influence others to go in a certain direction that they may not have wanted to go. He then asked what was the difference between Leadership and Headship?

• Headship is power that comes from an office.
• Leadership — the process of influencing people
  • The key to good leadership is getting people to do what you want.

A basic truth:

We all think that everyone thinks just like we do, only not as well. We all have a filter that we process information through, people don’t hear what you say, they hear what they thought you said.

Basic Premise of Life:

I am totally responsible for my behavior and you are totally responsible for your behavior

4 ways I am responsible:

1. I am responsible for what I do

2. I am responsible for what I think

3. I am responsible for what I feel

4. I am responsible for what I believe

Our beliefs are chosen: we don’t change them easily

What I do…

• no one can make you do what you choose not to do
• the problem is that we impose what we choose to do on others

What I think…

• We attribute our thinking outside of our-self
  • for example, “it occurred to me”
• when we take ownership of our thoughts we become more powerful

What I feel:

• you cannot make someone feel what they choose not to feel
  • you can’t be hurt by the words others say
  • you can choose to receive what was said as hurtful
• the position of power is retained, if you believe that I am responsible for how I feel

4 myths:

• I can make you feel bad by what I say
• you can make me feel bad by what i say
• i can make you feel good by what i say
• you can make me feel good by you say

If I have the power to choose how I feel, I also have the power to choose how long I feel it.

All this TA stuff comes into leadership because it gives us a metaphor for how we behave.

For church leadership, according to TA theory, if something isn’t working for you as a leader, your ego state is responsible.

Here is a run down again of our three ego states:

The parent ego: incorporated from our parents, coaches, etc.. This part of our ego holds our beliefs, it protects and nurtures, it directs and controls us. We make decisions from the parent ego. The language of our parent ego is imperative statements.

The adult ego: it is the rational part of us, stores information. The parent ego asks a lot of questions, it reports information, calculates. The language of the adult ego is primarily questions, and rational

The inner child: our intuitive side. our inner child is highly creative. It is the us from somewhere between ages 2.5/ or 3 years of age up to age 9. I guess you could say this is where our emotions come from, yelling, laughing, crying, etc. The language of our inner child is emotional.

Dealing with anger:

• people are afraid of a loss
• afraid they can’t get to something
• to diffuse anger:
  • acknowledge their anger, you don’t have to agree with it, but if you operate from your adult and say, “you have a right to feel that way” and you’ll diffuse the anger

I thought the workshop was really helpful and wanted to share some of the notes I took and recommend some further reading:

Muriel James, Born to Win

Muriel James, Born to Love

Thomas Harris, I’m Okay, You’re Okay

Transactional Analysis

I sat through a parent and leadership seminar this past weekend with Dr. Ray Quiet. The premise of the seminar dealt with Transactional Analysis. TA is the idea that all of us have three ego states, the Parent, The Adult and the Inner Child

The parent ego: incorporated from our parents, coaches, etc.. This part of our ego holds our beliefs, it protects and nurtures, it directs and controls us. The language of our parent ego is imperative statements.

The adult ego: it is the rational part of us, stores information. The parent ego asks a lot of questions, it reports information, calculates. The language of the adult ego is primarily questions, and rational

The inner child: our intuitive side. our inner child is highly creative. It is the us from somewhere between ages 2.5/ or 3 years of age up to age 9. I guess you could say this is where our emtions come from, yelling, laughing, crying, etc. The language of our inner child is emotional.

With this TA stuff, the parent ego and the adult ego we call the grown up, and the child we call the little kid. It is the job of the grown up part of us to take care of the “little kid” inside of us. When we put our inner child in charge of grown up stuff we aren’t operating at full capacity. When the inner child is in charge of grown up stuff, this leads to burn out. As this relates specifically to parenting, we can’t parent successfully from our inner child (the high emotional side of us). But, our own inner child comes out of us when we are able to play with our children if we can keep the boundaries between our egos. This boundary-ing, fosters within us a sense of security and protection.

One of the real practical tools that came from this workshop was the learning about something called “positive discipline,” which originated with Jane Nelson. The whole goal of positive discipline is getting kids to a place where they can make healthy positive choices on their own.

Here’s an example of positive discipline in action:

1. state the rule ahead of time, for example, the rule is you must put your clothes in the hamper let’s say before bedtime.

2. state the conseuqeunce: if you don’t, then you will not have your clothes washed.

3. tell them how you fell about it: it will upset me that you clothes will be stinky for example.

 the key to finding a good consequence is finding your child’s leverage point and then of course sticking to it.

Then at the end of our time together for our parenting seminar, he asked “how does a child know if they are loved?”

His answer: if they feel they belong. You accomplish this feeling of belonging by getting them to contribute to the family, to help them feel that they are a part of the whole.

Some recommended reading:

Jane Nelson, Positive Discipline

Eric Berne, Games People Play

It ain’t the Atkins diet

A little over a year ago, I weighed around 220 lbs. I was uncomfortable, had no energy and well, extremely inactive. Today, I have lost nearly 40 pounds and have a little more to go.

What is the key to losing weight? (Discipline)

D-Diet. Eat 5-6 times a day. Low fat meals, high protein. Carbs are not entirely bad, well certain types aren’t. Don’t eat any carbs after 6pm.

I-Increase your activity. It is easy for ministers to be inactive. Our work isn’t always suited for a lot of activity outside of the church. Start slow, get out and take a walk, do something active.

S-Supplement your diet. Find a good multi-vitamin, and maybe even a good protein supplement.

C-Consistency is key. You can’t expect a lot of results if you quit after a week. So, stick with it. Make your new exercise routine and diet changes a part of  your daily routine.

I – Invest in learning more about healthy meals, exercise programs and creative ways to be active. One of the killers of any routine is boredom, so look for ways to do what you enjoy you doing. If you need too, find someone to work out with.

P-Plenty of water. You should be drinking lots of water.

L-Learn to see yourself as you want to be. Our thinking affects our behavior.

I-Invest a small part of your day to your exercise. As ministers we need some sort of outlet for ourselves to relieve stress and promote a healthy lifestyle.

N-No late night snacks. I know sometimes we get cravings, but we can say no to the cookies and milk.

E-Early to bed. Sleep is essential for recuperation and muscle growth. So, find ways to do what you know you need to do, and get to bed early. Rest is not the enemy.

So, many times in minstry ministers get caught up eating church food, and eating at weird hours. Any one can make healthy changes in their lives and begin to see results. Avoid the fads, find what works for you, but you can’t avoid good old hard work. Be patient, Rome wasn’t built in a day.